Peter Griffiths Daily Herald Column 1994

Face Your Nervousness

Nervousness is not a problem unless you don't know how to deal with it. And not knowing what to do is the cause of much of our nervousness. Dealing with nervousness doesn't involve dealing with nerves, but dealing with ourselves. Nervousness is the end result of many other emotions, like fear, anxiety, or uncertainty. We can only tackle nervousness by tackling those other emotions.

Face your nervousness. Don't run away from it. Most of us don't realize how hard we try to avoid facing it. Wherever we hide or whatever we do, nervousness finds us. I still feel a bit nervous when I talking in public, although I've done it for years. But I handle it in various ways. I often face my nervousness with humor. Just before speaking, I silently say to myself, "What the hell" and let out a deep belly breath. This relaxes me. Imagine what would happen if instead, I chose to say to myself, "Oh, my God". I'd be tense, short of breath, and likely would have difficulty talking. But by facing and accepting my nervousness, I choose to be in charge of me, rather than nervousness being in charge of me.

Focus on one thing at a time. If I'm speaking to a group, I focus on one specific person and pretended I'm only talking to him or her. It's easy to become nervous if you think you're talking to the entire world. It's a lot easier to talk to one person at a time.

Recognize and control what you say to yourself. We seldom realize it, but we constantly talk to ourselves through our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. A classic example is the story of the little engine that could. It was its belief about itself was the key factor in its being able to achieve its goal. We aren't nervous automatically. We create nervousness by our beliefs, and our thoughts, about the situations we face.

Recognize how nervousness affects you. I have some nervous habits, which interfere with how well I deal with others. I talk faster when I am nervous. It's as if I'm saying to myself: "The faster I go, the sooner it will be over." I know I have this tendency, so I consciously listen to my speech and purposely slow down when I realize I'm revving up. I also tend to talk louder when nervous. This doesn't cause a problem in large groups, but it creates embarrassing situations if I am talking to someone privately, and suddenly realize the entire room is hearing my conversation. Not everyone has my particular nervous habits, and it's likely just as well. We all have unique ways in which our nervousness shows up. Recognize these and you'll be able to manage them. And when you manage your nervous habits, you also manage yourself.

Lastly, don't try to be perfect. My favorite slogan, "I'm okay, I'm not okay, and that's okay", can be applied to nervousness. Accept nervousness as part of yourself. Don't whip yourself for being less than perfect. Learn to live with, but also control nervousness. Then you will be in charge of it, rather than it being in charge of you.