Peter Griffiths Daily Herald Column 1993

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade

A popular wall poster carries the message, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". In other words, when things don't turn out like you wanted them to. deal with the reality of what happened, and do the best you can with what you have. This is a realistic and positive slogan, but it's not enough. The key to successful living doesn't lie in just doing your own thing, isolated from others.

Success in life only occurs when you becoming involved with other people, particular at the emotional and supportive level. Lemonade can be quite bitter. Lemonade usually needs a bit of sweetening. In other words besides doing something constructive with the lemons, such as changing what you are able to change and not being stopped by what you can't change, something else needs to be added to life. The lemonade that you get when you have faced and dealt with the unhappiness, hurts or bitterness of life will only become sweeter when you share it with others. So my new version of this popular saying is, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but share that lemonade with others around you.

This is the basic idea behind the value and helpfulness of self-help groups. You can't go to a self-help or support group to solve your problems or make them disappear. You may start to go to a group with that purpose, but hopefully you quickly discover that nobody, you included, can make the problem disappear or solve if quickly. And hopefully, you also discover that coping with the problem effectively is the best focus, at least at present.

A support group can help you to discover what you can do and what you can't do about the problem. And making lemonade is one of your options. But when you share your story, your frustrations and your journey with others, you automatically add some sweetness to your lemonade. It becomes less bitter. Instead of remaining painfully wrapped up within yourself, you become aware of and concerned about others. Instead of being preoccupied with yourself, you focus on issues that are greater than you. By involving yourself with someone else and something else other than the lemons you've personally encountering in life, you expand your vision of life. Instead of being pre-occupied with your own problems, you become concerned about someone else.

Together with making lemonade and sharing that lemonade with others, another important life skill is to ask others to share their lemonade with you. Most people find it difficult to talk about their problems. They feel self-conscious or ashamed. So, besides finding something positive within your own pain and sharing this with others, invite others to share about their journey as well.

This often comes naturally from them once you've broken the ice and shared about yourself with them. But in many cases, you may need to reach out to others. You may need to ask them politely, but directly, "Are some things happening in your life which are quite uncomfortable? If you'd like to talk about them, I'm here to listen." You may suspect they've faced a problem similar to what you have faced, and which is hard to talk about, such as abusing their partner or being abused or battered by their partner. You might free them up to share if you first share your experience with them.

But, remember, the key is to focus on the lemonade, not the lemons. For what you do about any problem in your life is much more important than the problem itself.