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Learn Ways To Be Non Violent
Daily Herald October 18, 1997
It doesn't take much to learn how to be emotionally,
verbally or even physically violent. Just watch television.
Just watch how other people treat each other. Just listen
to people's conversations with each other. The closer
you watch or listen, the more you will realize how violent,
directly or indirectly, people can be.
It's more difficult to learn how to be non-violent, since
by being non-violent, you are bucking the trend. You are
being different. You are being your own person. You are
being in charge of you. You are not letting others shape
your behavior.
Being your own person is the most important thing in
order to be non-violent. You must discover who you are
and what you want to be. You must recognize the potential
violence in thoughts or self-talk like "I just have
to get my way or else", "I just can't stand
it" or "I can't let him/her get away with that".
If you want to be non violent, you can learn to do so,
but only if you follow these basic rules.
Rule 1
Be aware of how you feel, at all times. Take your emotional
temperature regularly. Recognize when you are feeling
upset, challenged or stressed, and do something constructive
about it.
Rule 2
Be completely responsible for taking care of yourself.
If you feel upset, take a time out. If you feel frustrated,
stop whatever you are doing. If you feel angry at yourself
or others, discover the true feelings that lie under
the anger, such as disappointment, fear, anxiety, insecurity,
etc. Also, keep your focus on the present, something
you can do something about, not the past, which can't
be changed. If you are upset right now, you can choose
to do something about it. Focusing on the anger of the
past only makes you angrier now.
Rule 3
Whenever in doubt about how you feel, remove yourself
from whatever situation you are in. It's easier to look
at yourself when you're away from the stress that is
getting to you. Doing this also allows you to understand
and meet your own needs better. If you get off by yourself,
you don't have to deal with others at that moment, and
you can calm down easier and think more constructively.
Rule 4
Never expect to control another person, even if you
have good reasons for wanting them to do something.
The only human being in the world you have any control
over is yourself. The only rights you have are yours.
Challenging or controlling someone else's rights is
a form of violence.
Rule 5
Recognize what violence is in all its forms, emotional,
verbal, or physical. Be one step ahead of yourself and
catch any violence thoughts in yourself before they
are acted upon. It takes effort, but you can learn to
do it. If you do, you will feel much better about yourself,
others will likely feel much better about you, and you
will be practicing a non-violence way of living. Yes
it takes effort, but the results are worth it.
Return to 1997 Index of Daily Herald
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