How To File A Complaint
Daily Herald November 19, 1983
One of the most important skills
in life is that of effectively filing a complaint with someone close
to you. The same principles of tact, courtesy and effective communication
that you may use automatically when dealing with strangers, such as
sales clerks or mechanics, can also serve you veil in your close emotional
relationships.
The first step in filing a complaint
is to make sure you know what you are talking about. Emotions cloud
vision. Allow yourself time to cool down before you go charging into
anything.
Put yourself in the other person's
shoes. Try to understand how they might see things or feel about them.
Realize that there may be two valid points of view to a situation.
Deal with a complaint within a
reasonable period of time. Chastising someone for what they did two
weeks ago, a month ago, or a year ago, seldom helps. My guideline
for handling complaints is the 72 hour rule. Deal with an issue within
72 hours of when it happened, or else let it be past. Beyond that
time, two individuals' memories of the same event begin to look more
and more like completely different events.
Allow the other person to be human
and imperfect. After all, other people's errors are easier to see
then your own, and you are human too.
Deal with events and behavior,
not with intentions. You cannot know what someone felt or meant by
some action or behavior. Deal with your own feelings about that behavior,
and let them know what you would like to be different in the future.
Speak for yourself. "I feel....", or "I would like..."
gets listened to better than, "Why can't you....", "You
"You never...." or "You should....
Follow these steps when filing
a complaint:
- What I saw or perceived to happen was.......
- feel ........ about what happened.
- I would like .....
to happen in the future, or as a consequence to what did happen.
- In turn, I would be
prepared to
These steps may become confused in your mind as you work through
them.Because of this, file your complaints in writing. You may balk
at this.You may think, "Why should I write a letter to my spouse
or my child?"
Don't merely hand someone close
to you a written complaint. Rather, use your written complaint as
a note to coach and guide you as you talk over your complaint with
the other person. It's an effective tool to ensure that the complaint
is indeed filed in the other person's mind, and not their mental waste-paper
basket.
Relationships grow, or are destroyed,
on how well two people file their complaints with each other. The
key to a successful, close, relationships lies in knowing how to file
complaints effectively.
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